Last week was just... bad. Week before I have no excuse.
SO NOW IMMA ROLL A BUNCH.

dragonxp: [5]
Ah!
That explains it! It all makes sense now!
Sporks!
A Wand of Sporking appears in your hand, officially ratifying you as a Sporkish Mage!

Character:


CrazyMLC: [3]
"So uh. You've given me a boner... why not give me a few more?"
God. Damn.
That hurt to say.
...The skeleton turns bashful.
"O U LIL SAUCY MINGEPIN, DO GO ON~."
You're not sure how to feel about this.

Character:


TheKebbit: [3]
Opening your... water sphincters, you begin filter feeding.
Ahhh, yes, good. Delicious Plankton.... Nutrients, fuel...
Hm. Hm?
Oh dear. That appears to be... Myes, a shark. A large shark. With uh, some rotting patches on it.
And uh. Large, muscular arms and legs. Human arms and legs. Like a bodybuilder.
Just sort of, stitched onto its sides.
And it's coming your way.

Character:


CaveCricket48: [4]
You continue exploring the ship and eliminating skellingtons, integrating bits and pieces into your weapon. No major changes to it though, you think you'll need more powerful bones to make it better. Hm.
Speaking of.
You've made your way to some big imposing door. Bronze decorations all over it, with a big skull and crossbones as the centerpiece. You hear more of the skellingtons inside, along with a significantly louder, more boisterous voice. Different from the odd accents all the skellingtons have had, this one sounds much more... pirate-y. Wonder if you can take him alone.

Character:


caekdaemon: [3]
Well let's see...
Dragonxp is consume in a spork-y whirlwind...
CrazyMLC is seducing a skellington...
TheKebbit is becoming a coral reef and fighting off sharks...
CaveCricket48 is outside a big imposing door, probably with skeletons on the other side...
You're checking what everyone is doing...
Maart3n is... uh... Well, he's making skellington friends.
Seraphimo made a tiny power armor super soldier...
And Ociamarru is floating in the ocean and looking at Kebb.

Character:


maart3n: [6]
"Alright you bony ♥♥♥♥, listen up. I'm gonna, uh... yeah, I'm gonna start an army. You want in?"
"I AINT GOT MUCH A CHOICE GOV, YOU'RE WEARIN ME!"
"You're named the Fortress of Diplomacy now. How about you, new guy?"
"ANYONE WHO CAN SMACK SOME GUM INTO THAT BIG FLOATY BINT IS RIGHT AS RAIN IN MY BOOK, LAD. U GOT URSELF A SKELLINGTON. NAME'S JACK BONINGSON."

Character:


Seraphimo: [5]
Alrighty! You look around the room a bit with the help of your figurine, searching for any good loot. Hmm... nothing substantial. Oh well. Maybe you can get investors with just this!
Your tiny Power Marine climbs onto your shoulder, and you head out into the land of the ship's hallways to find investors with him shouting a tiny shout about the Emprah!
...
My oh my, there are a lot of bones strewn about. Holes in the walls and floor too. Very messy.

Character:


Ociamarru: [1]
There's... no land. Anywhere in sight. And the ship is rapidly running off into the distance. This could be... bad. Maybe you can find that orb man, he can help perhaps. Be a flotation device.
You swim around, looking through the surprisingly clear water for the fleshy orb-guy. Oh hey, there he is!
...
Oh ♥♥♥♥, those are sharks down there with him.

Character:

This is an awfully menacing but also suspiciously familiar undead foe...

>Sprout vicious whiplike tentacles covered in stinging nematocysts. Let them fear me - Cnidaria Man!

That's what you get when you're vague, I guess

Practice dice skills!

"A bunch"

dragonxp: [4]
Woo! You've mastered sporks!
...
Hm. Now what. Let's follow some of the others, they probably know what's up! Well, the ones who went to explore the ship. Not the ones who got sucked out of the ship when the wall exploded, let's not be like them.
You head out and follow a trail of broken bones and wounds in the floor, well, ONE of the trails at least, and eventually end up with CaveCricket, outside an ominous looking door, with Cave fighting against several small bone monkeys climbing all over him.

Character:


CrazyMLC: [4]
"Oh my... is that a bone in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"
The skeleton swoons, for some ungodly reason, while you quickly reach into your pockets and pull out a fistful of spaghetti. Looking around quickly, you locate a pot (why is there a pot in the anchor room) and a stove (what even), fill it up with sea water (ok that's not too ridiculous), and place the spaghetti in to boil. You then reach into your other pockets and retrieve a jar of tomato sauce (HOW). Seeing your spaghetti is near done, you crack open the sauce, plate up the spaghetti on the fine china (I quit), and apply the sauce and fresh Parmesan just as the skellington wakes back up.
"So.... Bone appetit."
The skellington swoons again.

Character:


TheKebbit: [2]
You have the perfect idea. You concentrate, forcing your follicles to extrude and become dangerous, turning into more tentacular and stinger-y forms, filled with stinging venom that could put down ANY shark OR bodybuilder!
The shark swims forward quickly and bites down on you, taking dozens of the stingers in the mouth simultaneously! You take some damage from the shark biting you, but you can probably regenerate that as long as you get some plankton in you.
...
It's still biting. Why isn't it stopping.
...
Wait ♥♥♥♥, it's a zombie, zombies don't have circulatory systems, VENOM IS USELESS, ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


CaveCricket48: [2]
Taking some of the extraneous bones from your axe, you assemble several small skeleton minions, each rather monkey-esque in appearance. No skulls, you use some smaller knuckle bones instead of an actual skull for that.
"Alright Skelinions, I am your creator, you must follow my orders, or I will deconstruct you and put you back in my axe. Are we clear?"
They stare at you for a moment, then one blinks, and screams "U WOT M8!"
All three then jump at you and start climbing all over you and clawing for your eyes.

Character:


caekdaemon: [5]
Alright, that's what everyone else is up to. But screw those guys, you want dice skills!
You decide to practice rolling dice, using the only dice you have, the Devil Dice!
...Your roll to roll dice to learn to be good at rolling dice. Was a 5.
Using the Devil Dice.
Hoo boy.
You are overcome with a tremendous amount of dicey energy, and the forces of six sided come to choose you as their chosen one. You sense that dice of all kinds now bend to your will! You can now determine the roll for any dice you roll!

Character:


maart3n: [3]
Hm. You now have the beginnings of a skellington army (two skellingtons), and thus can now safely attack the captain, with his loyal cadre of other skellingtons. This is a flawless plan, definitely.
You use your not at all superior sense of hearing to find your way to a big, imposing door, with CaveCricket and dragonxp there already. And by sense of hearing, you mean Jack Boningson guides you there.
Hm. The hell are these guys doing with those skeleton monkeys?

Character:


Seraphimo: [1]
You must mass produce these tiny power marines, they will become your tiny army!

20 minutes later, any and all attempts at mass production fail miserably, the tiny marines are meant to be hand made products, they are unsuited for mass production. Your one existing marine tuts disappointedly at you.

Character:


Ociamarru: [6]
You become a durable replicant! Not sure what that means, but you think it means you turn mechanical. Which causes you to sink to the bottom of the thankfully shallow water. Well, you're now underwater, and a robot? So that's cool!

Character: