Tomaster [2]
Ok, wait, no. You leave them to their business and do more Science. It doesn't work very well, and the best you get is a paper mache volcano.
Maybe you're all out of science for now.
Inventory:
- 4 ♥♥♥♥♥es
- Noisy Cricket
Abilities:
- Reincarnation
- Out of Science

unwoundpath [5]
You hire some random teen punk, promising to pay him in hashbrowns, and he gets to work serving people while you roll in a small pile of cash.
Status:
- Owner

caekdaemon [1]
BLOOD CAN'T EAT THINGS
YOU NEED BLOOD
YOU DON'T HAVE BLOOD
DIE~
Abilities:
- Animal Magnetism
- Human Female Magnet
Inventory:
Status:
- Ded

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [7
"As Long as none of you are cops, or have syrup running through your veins, we should get along fine."
You grow a bear pelt loincloth.
Inventory:
- Ski Mask
- Bearpelt Loincloth
Status:

Izen [9]
You're the Master ov Time, not a master of time. You can't CONTROL time, you're just the Master ov it. You honestly don't know what kind of powers that gives you or anything, but you do know that you've got to burn pretty much every living creature on the planet. With the help of demons that you can now summon.
You hope that isn't some old crazy man telling you to do crazy things, and that it's a legitimate thing.
Inventory:
- Baked Potato of Flawless Victory
- Mastered Sword
Status:
- Master ov Time

Natti (Harald Olafson) [6]
With the Giant Wolverine acting as a Giant Blacksmith, the two of you hammer out some scrap metal armor. It's pretty terrible but it'll probably block a couple bullets or something.
Inventory:
- Crap Metal Armor
Status:
- Wolverine Momma

Harzipan (LORD BARNABY TERROR OF BLUEMOON MANSE) [8]
You just sorta... pop off some little blobs of magma and move them out, so that you've got a dozen or so small moons, arranged in a uniform circle around the planet. Pretty swag, although it significantly reduces your planet's mass. On the other hand, you've got lava people on several of the moons, and your hardened crust is gone, allowing you to easily absorb anything that were to collide with you.
Hey wait, is the old moon still there?
Abilities:
- Molten Planetlet
- Moon Ring
- Lava People

CrazyMLC [6]
Your ship does not have auto-repair. You will need a plucky group of repairmen to repair you if you want to get repaired.
Meanwhile, the intercom comes to life and slings a small dictionary's worth of swears at the occupants. They cower in fear at the ship's unholy fury.
Status:
- Escape Pod
- Armed to the Teeth
- Exploded Ship-ass

Roast (Robodil Robodilson)[-]
"B3ECAUSE I AM REBUILDING MYSELF"
That works.
You begin ripping panels from the walls and constructing another robot half to complete your monkey glory.
Status:
- Robot Half Monkesiah

111herbert111 [2]
Well there's a bunch of screaming people, a bunch of people eating greasy deep fried fast food, a bunch of other random crap strewn about, and an Ottoman is stabbing you with a sword oh god help.
Abilities:
- Splattered Flying Purple Space Alien
- Being Stabbed

Miggles [-]
The Ottoman stabs you in the face, and it is an incredibly painful and debilitating wound! There is now a sword going through your mouth, in one cheek and out the other.
Status:
- Urine-trouble!
- Swordmouth

TheKebbit [3]
You disengage from the human construct of Time, and are bound by the physical construct that humans call Time.
DAMN. If only you were some kind of Master ov Time.

Nighthawk [6]
You get up and walk around, being a sentient teddybear.
Sadly, all nearby children are floating frozen corpses in the vastness of space.
Status:

Game Events: Everyone is on a sentient escape pod, with an Ottoman, a rampaging robot half-monkey, a splattered Purple Space Alien, a McDonalds, and a Giant Wolverine and its cub inside.

What do you do?

Suddenly the Escape Pod engines all burst into flame, and they are all forced to make a crash emergency landing on Mars, conveniently in the terraformed zone where it's safe.
And then the game suddenly gets put on hold until further notice. Will probably do something with the whole "Terraformed zone on Mars" thing, but I've uh, got more than enough things to roll for the time being. This was just an experiment anyway.