You get barbie chess.
I insert SPARTA-pon

You get OVER 9000!!!!!

I insert a crumpled dollar into it.

You get a hundred pennys.

I insert Minecraft Dispenser full of arrows and a random DRL member.

You get Vv45689 running as fast as he can from the suddenly flaming arrows, for which he is on fire from.

I insert a Baby Creeper :3

D'aaaaawww

You get a Baby Crater :3
D'aaaaawww

I insert this:

You get a Natti drooling over the keyboard.

I insert an M16.

You get a Scar-H, since it's SEXIER.

I insert an exception to mah rule:
-If it's me, it's okay.

I reason with the exception, describin' the situation and the conclusion was chosen that the hypocretin was cheatin'.
(In other words, don't break yer own rule.)

I insert Moderation.

You get a nice, flame-war clean forum.

I insert a reply.

You get lots of trolls.

I insert a bucket

There is now a hole in your bucket, dear Tokochiro.

I insert an atomic clock that I deliberately took the batteries out of for an hour.

You get a time paradox. After 5 minutes you realize that you are in the moment exactly before of placing your clock into the machine and notice it has batteries and a note that says: "Dear Roast, don't do that again. Love, Roast."

I insert my arm trying to get a candy from the inside.

The vending machine chops your hand off.

I insert said hand.

You get a new arm

I insert a shovel

You get too many stacks of sand and gravel to count.

I insert a Komodo dragon with star power.